Friday, January 31, 2014


Jennifer Lopez finally dropped her visual for her new single: Same Girl. The video was directed by well known photographers @gomillionandleupold (Chris Brown-Blank Magazine shoot, and Rihanna tour photographers). The song was co-written by Chris Brown. Check out Jenny as she take us back to the block.


Eric Bellinger keep dropping joints to hold his fans over until he drop his new album: Rebirth, on February 11th. He got my man Jon B on this track, Same Ol. Check it out.

Thursday, January 30, 2014


Shakira dropped the visual finally for the her first single, Can't Remember To Forget You, featuring Rihanna. The video was definitely highly anticipated, everyone was waiting to see the sexy unfold on the screen. Well the two Carribean queens did not disappoint. Take a look at the visual.

Check out what King James and Kelly Clarkson had to say after watching the video.


Today Let The Word Do the Work
I give all glory honor and praise for His word today! The Father puts His Word above His Name! Therefore in all things you do today…SPEAK THE WORD!
Do y’all realize that even in Genesis the “work” that the Father speaks about is the CREATING? Do you understand how he CREATED? He SPOKE!

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. (Genesis 2:2, 3 NIV)
Now Jesus also let us know…IF WE DIDN'T BELIEVE HIM AT LEAST BELIEVE THE WORKS! Because He only SAID what he heard His Father say!

Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father in Me; or else believe Me for the sake of the [very] works themselves. [If you cannot trust Me, at least let these works that I do in My Father’s name convince you.] (John 14:11 AMP)

Meditate on this today and then understand how powerful Proverbs 18:22 is!


Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I wish I could tell y'all in a few words how important it is for me to walk out my purpose. I didn't ask for this calling...i asked HIM to be LORD over my life and to keep me! And in turn HE told me who HE created me to be!

The thing is HE wants each and every one of us to know our purpose, and to pick up that cross and walk with HIM. He is SO GREAT that He doesn't expect you to do it on your own, HE will lead and guide you to all truth. One person calling is not "better" than another's...we are the BODY of Christ so we all have an intricate part in this and we all must do our part.

You know how important your life is to someone else? Do you? Playing with God or attempting to mock His name would be the most ignorant thing in the world to do even for a non believer less more one who has accepted the blood of Jesus! I don't play those type games.

I pray daily that HE will lead me and guide me, keep me from speaking something HE didn't say...or from speaking DEATH at any time. And when I fail I have no problem falling on my face and REPENTING because I know as long as my heart is humbled towards HIM He is just to forgive me. As some have witnessed when I'm wrong the Holy Spirit convicts me and I come on here and straighten out what I said, or apologize to the person directly! I have no problem doing it. It's not about's about HIS plan!

And for those of you who are searching for your purpose...GO TO THE CREATOR..HE is the only one Who can tell you why He made you! And walk with Him, trusting Him to keep you! It's His reputation on the line so I'm 100% sure He will not abandon you!

God. Bless



Chris Brown may know better than anyone what it feels like to be ostracized, ridiculed, talked about, and down right repeatedly punished by media, and the public for wrong actions.

And when I look at this picture I think he may finally get it….Jesus said “take up your cross and follow me….My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” What He was saying was this: the CALL/PLAN/PURPOSE that the Father has for your life is of good and not evil…meaning The end result! But in the midst of getting to where your destiny is taking you…the devil will attempt to kill you and perhaps get you to QUIT(remember CB battle of this possibly being his last album) before you ever reach the end! The key in those a verses is Christ saying “FOLLOW ME”…Chris can’t do this alone. You can’t fulfill your purpose without THE CREATOR. It’s impossible! So when you say yes to God’s plan for your life remember this, the enemy is roaming seeking to see whom he may devour…because in the end once you are QUIT, or dead you are no longer a threat to him.

The cross(purpose) can be a hard thing to carry, but with God you not doing it alone, and the end is well

BUT CHRISTOPHER I DECREE AND DECLARE ON THIS DAY…that The Lord has heard your cry! On this day CLARITY, UNDERSTANDING, WISDOM, and STRENGTH are endowed to you unto you! You shall not DIE, but live to declare the LOVE OF GOD, the WORKS of The Lord! In Jesus Name! Amen!



 What a way to start off your 29th birthday. RocNation's own, J. Cole, dropped a brand new mixtape, Revenge of the Dreamers, yesterday. The artist also got great news, his record label, Dreamville, just came to an agreement with Interscope Records to distribute his own artist music. The very talented artist hit the stage last night in Madison Square Garden where Jay Z gave him his very own first RocNation chain. Which is the one thing that I did not like, in the manner of which he gave it to him because the first reactions online were to the effect that: Cole fell back like he received the Holy Spirit..see why that's an issue?

The new 11-track mixtape features fellow Dreamville artists J. Cole, Bas, Omen, K-Quick, and Treasure Davis.

J. Cole - Revenge Of The Dreamers


Rihanna took her star power to another level today, as she graced the stage for an interview with Robin Roberts talking about why she has joined with a Philanthropic spokesperson for Hiv/Aids. The goal for Viva Glam Rihanna is $40M for Hiv/Aids prevention. She is involved to help the youth become more conscience of the disease.

I remember on 3/9/09, I head the Lord say that Rihanna is the Voice of the Generation. Even in this new philanthropic effort, we are seeing her use her fame for something to speak to this generation. In this interview she said she feel like she has so much more to do...and yes Rihanna you do have so much more to do. Get ready...Rihanna!

You can purchase Viva Glam (Rihanna) right now by clicking here.

Rihanna speaks to E News about what she was doing when she found out about her 8th Grammy win.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. (Romans 8:6-8 NIV)

It's time to get in the Spirit!!


Monday, January 27, 2014


Singer/songwriter (Chris Brown, Justin Bieber), Eric Bellinger is getting ready to drop a brand new album. Check out his latest offering...My Queen.


For the first time in 4yrs, R/B group Day26 reunited on stage for a nice performance of "Since You Been Gone." I have to admit this is music to my ears. Now that they have all had time to grow up a bit, maybe they can make it last this time.

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Kendrick Lamar teamed up with Imagine Dragons to tear the stage down at the 56th annual Grammy Awards. And I still can't believe they gave Macklemore & Ryan all the hip hop awards and this guy didn't win.


 Beyonce and Jay Z opened up the 56th annual Grammy's with her brand new single, Drunk In Love. Check it out.


God's Will vs Your Plan

Just as you can't serve two masters, you can live out two plans. And in both instances one or the other is happening in your life.

Jesus speaks of two masters: God and Money...God, or Creator, Lord, Lover of our soul. Then there is money. The bible says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. First let's understand that Money (a created thing) is not evil it's the LOVE it. Why? Jesus said: Man can't serve two masters lest he LOVE one and HATE the other. Jesus said: "And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment." (Mark 12:30 AMP)

So you see the conflict? It all depends on which plan you are going after as to whom you are serving. If, in our very finite minds, we can come to understand that there is no plan we can develop, with our own wisdom that's more conducive for our lives than what our Creator planned for us.

He is the Potter, we are the clay. Tell me how can the CREATED thing know what's it's designed to do better than the one who created it? It can''s simply gone conform to whatever it's called. For example, a broom is made for in its greatest moments, most productive moments is while bring used to sweep. Though ppl may use it for other things, it does not take away the fact that it's purpose for being created was to SWEEP. So is it with us.

God has a plan for your life, and I don't care what you find yourself doing, it's only when you are doing what the Creator Purposed you to are not being your GREATEST SELF.

Now I know it can be hard. And this is usually when "our" plan kicks in. Our plan has us SETTLING, and relying on our HARD work, and then we attempt to pass it off as if it's Gods will, yet it's not so. Because the blessing of The Lord makes us rich and adds no sorrow(toil) with it. Meaning all Gods plan require is a tongue willing to speak what the heart has been meditating on by the spirit, through faith. The glory belongs to God, and yet when we walk in our own plans we get the glory, not God.

Know that GREATNESS comes with an adversary! Since the garden the devil was after Christ to attempt to destroy Him. And yet Jesus, committed to walking out God's plan, no matter the circumstance has given us eternal life to all who accepted Him as Lord.

So no matter what is happening in your life, if you have discerned by the Spirit of God, the will of God for your life...don't allow anything to cause you to walk away from it. The enemy greatest desire is for you to renounce the plan of God, to walk away, to find it to hard to continue. If you call on Christ, and ask for His wisdom, and GET OUT OF YOUR EMOTIONS, you can walk out Gods plan.

He loves you! All He ask is that you love HIM enough to trust Him with the life He created.

Celebrity Ministry


Friday, January 24, 2014



The day I found out that Rick Warren’s book “The Purpose Driven Life” was the 2nd most sold book in the world after the bible, I understood why? Everyone is born with a purpose, but most dying never finding out what it is, or if they did, they allowed fear to keep them from honoring God (the Creator) by becoming and doing all that He purposed for them to do.
It’s NOT EASY. But our greatest example will always be Christ. see most of us think that because He is the Son of God, that He is God (did not find it wrong to equate Himself with God) that it was impossible for Him to sin, or walk away from His purpose..but that’s not true. In order for Him to become who HE WAS NAMED BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE EARTH…(THE LAMB SLAIN BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE EARTH revelation 13:8) He had to WALK OUT IN THE FLESH all the way to the end..even death of the cross to accomplish it. THE BIBLE SPEAKS ABOUT HIM SWEATING DROPS OF BLOOD in the garden of Gethsemane because the thought of being separated from the Father was almost unbearable…BUT THE LOVE THE FATHER HAD FOR US..trumped all fear, and all doubt. And He walked out the purpose of his LIFE! Jesus says “pick you your cross(purpose) and follow me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light”…

I know it hits a sore spot simply because the people I’m ministering about happen to be known all over the world…and YET remember that God is the GIFT GIVER…and even as we enjoy the gifts that He bestowed upon Robyn & Chris, that’s not ALL THEIR LIFE ENTAILS…it’s not all He has purposed them for..and just like He gives us pastors/preachers/teachers/ etc…don’t find it hard that what He has destined for you to something GREAT. Because whatever His purpose for your life is..YOU WILL NEED HIM TO DO IT. Don’t ever think that the created thing don’t need the CREATOR to understand how it’s suppose to operate. Cause being humble is great, but to BE HUMBLED CAN BE PAINFUL.
Believe in WHO GOD SAID YOU ARE..and if someone tells you or calls you something that GOD DIDN’T SAY…tell them…you can’t RECREATE what God already spoke…Im one of a kind..MY PURPOSE IS FOR ME ALONE TO WALK OUT, YOU CAN’T DO IT FOR ME..SO PLEASE DON’T HINDER ME ..I HAVE TO BE ABOUT MY FATHERS BUSINESS.


Sunday, January 19, 2014


What a great MLK weekend. I pray that everyone who reads this has a great weekend as well.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].

We are asked to change our entire mindset. Why is that? Well because when we ask Jesus to become Lord over our lives, we finally are reborn, become new, or rather returned back to God's original intent for our lives. In the beginning, before sin entered the world, we are made in God's image, in His likeness (like Him)! I know but marinate on that for a minute.

Once we can begin to accept who you thought you were (without) God, is not who you are at all, then you can begin to walk in your true authentic self. If you look around in society today, it looks like nothing God spoke for us. Especially for the CHURCH. We have adapted ourselves to societies norms versus kingdom norms. We speak all kinds of ideologies that are completely opposite of what He has said concerning us, and yet we don't understand why we are collecting harvests that produced bad fruit.

Remember this...every word comes out of the treasure of your heart, but where does it originate? In your mind! So let your mind yield "good" fruit as your thought come from HIM. We have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16) So yes our thoughts can be, should be, His thoughts, therefore we can be assured that what we are speaking are the words of our Father, in which we KNOW THAT WE HAVE WHAT WE SAY.

Last nugget...Jesus said: "I only say what I hear My Father say. John 12:49" and He said it believing that He would get manifestation.

Your life is set up in a way that what you meditate on (goes into your heart), comes out of your mouth, and manifestation. So if you know your life is not as the Father has spoken concerning you...then you better inquire of HIM..."Father what have You said concerning me?"

Start by the renewing of your ENTIRE MIND according to kingdom principles versus the world principles.


Saturday, January 18, 2014


The latest installment in Ace Hood's Starvation series has arrived.
Ace tackles the majority of the project solo, though enlisting some features from We The Best labelmates Mavado, Vado, as well as Kevin Cossom.
Production on the tape is provided by Streetrunner, Cool & Dre, Beat Bully, The Mekanics, Beat Billionaire, and Ben Billions, among others.
If you haven't already, make sure to grab the first two ferocious tapes from the series-- Starvation, and Starvation 2. (HotNewHipHop)

Ace Hood - Starvation 3

Friday, January 17, 2014


Platinum selling group, Danity Kane, returns on the scene with a brand new joint called: Bye Baby. Check it out.

Thursday, January 16, 2014


Super producer/songwriter, Bryan Michael Cox along with singer/songwriter J.Que Smith, signed a new group a new female duo, Riss & Ry. The Long Beach California natives are definitely what R/B needs right now. Check out the cover of Aaliyah's, I Don't Wanna. I love the sound, the look, and the edge. I can't wait to see what B. Cox & J.Que come up with..they definitely got something right here.


Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Monday, January 13, 2014


One of the most anticipated singles of 2014, Shakira new joint featuring fellow carribean, Rihanna. The very catchy joint: Can't Remember to Forget You, is the first single off Shakira's upcoming album. Check it out.


Brand new music from Jennifer Lopez drops Tuesday called "Same Girl." The song is a Chris Brown penned track, that takes us back to Jenny from the block. Check out the video teaser.

Saturday, January 11, 2014


TC aka Tiyon Christian, singer/songwriter of artist such as Dondria and Tamar Braxton, just dropped a mixtape called: Harmonic Fatality II, where he remixes some of the hottest rnb jams of 2013. But we must say that his remix of Beyonce's, Drunk In Love, is simply dope. Check it out and download here.

Friday, January 10, 2014


Keyshia Cole hops on Chris Brown latest hot new single: Loyal, with a freestyle of her own. We know that Keyshia wears her heart on her sleeve..seem to truly be taking her frustration of her personal life on the mic..Check out her and Sean Kingston as they add their verses to Chris hot track. And be on the look out for a brand new mixtape from Keyshia, as well as her working on her next studio album.



I don't care what you are going through, or what the devil want you think it looks like! Just know #ItsNotOver God has the final day so if you put it in His hands! Let today be about #ItsNotOver 🙌


Wednesday, January 8, 2014


So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands. For I endorse and delight in the Law of God in my inmost self [with my new nature]. [Ps. 1:2.] But I discern in my bodily members [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh] a different law (rule of action) at war against the law of my mind (my reason) and making me a prisoner to the law of sin that dwells in my bodily organs [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh]. O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death? O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord! So then indeed I, of myself with the mind and heart, serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:21-25 AMP)


Sunday, January 5, 2014


Faith vs Risk

I notice that a lot of people say things like "you have to be willing to take some risks in life, just step out on faith," but I have to ask myself as a woman who has made Jesus Christ The Lord of her life, is that stepping out on faith me really taking a risk?

How am I taking a risk when I do what I hear the Holy Spirit say do? If when I pray, I listen to the Spirit, and He says go here, or do this, or say am I stepping out on faith by doing that? Instead if I go forward, I just go so believing and understanding, it's simply my worship, my love being displayed in the form of FAITH in His instructions. There is no RISK involved in moving in His word.

The risk comes in when I step out on my own word, my own ideas, and my own plans without His input. Proverbs 14:12 states: "there is a way that seems right to man, but leads to death." See how stepping out without God is taking a risk? You could end up dead! I take that in every since of the word, whether physically, or spiritually. Christ says with God all things are possible, but without Him we can do nothing. As a believer, I understand that my entire life is walked out with Christ (it should be) as Lord. What that means is that I seek Him for direction, and I willingly go in the direction He points out.

We must understand what taking a RISK is versus stepping out on FAITH. There is a difference.


Saturday, January 4, 2014

Friday, January 3, 2014


Bow Wow dropped new music today, a single called Like Mike. Check him out as he speak candidly.

Thursday, January 2, 2014


"Fear is a spirit. It's job is to create an illusion of something that has NOT happened."-CelebrityMinistry

The spirit of fear will attempt to make you divert from the plan of God and start doing things in your OWN intelligence. The word says "there is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of DEATH."

Recognize the spirit of fear when it creeps into your thoughts attempting to get you thwart the plan of God for your life.


Wednesday, January 1, 2014



                                                THE WISH
                                                by Ephitania

"No! Absolutely not!" Glaring at the two people across from her, Robyn shook her head emphatically as she pushed her chair back and stood. Wrapping her arms around her waist for support and protection from the emotions that were starting to consume her, "And calling my mother to get her to ask me, was low." Robyn stormed over to the balcony, stepping out she took several breaths before glancing down. A dry chuckle escaped her lips. There they were, as they always were. They looked like ants…the paparazzi. They were there…always there, waiting to suck just a bit of her soul every time. She was never allowed an ounce of privacy to be happy or to hurt. If just once they could see what it felt like to be her, Christopher, Jay, Bey…just once, then they would have an idea of the gilded cage that surrounded celebrities. Her mind switched back to the situation at hand, Chris. She’d been trying so hard to get herself together. But was she ready for this?
Joyce and Greg glanced at each other. They had come on Chris’ behalf. His therapy at the center was going good. After 50 days, his improvement had astounded the staff; including Dr. Pratt, Chris’ therapist. It was the doctor, who’d suggested that they all…the family members take part in these latter sessions. Chris had agreed, excited at the thought of seeing his loved ones. All had gone amazingly well. That is until he’d asked for Robyn.

Greg leaned over to whisper into Joyce’s ear. “What do we do now?”

Joyce glanced back in Robyn’s direction. She could feel the hurt radiating from the young woman. “We give her time and tell Chris not yet.” She couldn’t help the sadness that seemed to grip her. Had the door been truly closed? How did they end up here?


“You two have so much unfinished business together it’s nowhere near funny.” Mel watched Robyn pace back and forth. She had been agitated ever since Momma Joyce and Greg’s visit. Mel knew better than most that Robyn wasn’t upset because she didn’t want to go. No she was upset because she wanted to go. Upset because she thought somewhere that giving in and going made her emotionally weak.

“He’s there to get the help he needs. How is rehashing our issues going to help him? I would think that it would just make things worse.” Robyn stopped pacing to flop down onto the sofa. Ollie ran to her, begging to be lifted up. Reaching down she picked him up, nuzzled his russet fur and laid him across her lap. He reminded her of the old days, when her life with Chris was more smiles, laughter and silliness, than anything else.

“Momma J said that Chris asked for you himself. If his therapist thinks it’s okay than he must be able to cope.” Reaching over, Mel ran a hand over Ollie’s back. “As mad as he has made me over these last months, I still love that boy.” She paused a second, watching her childhood friend, “And so do you.”

Robyn didn’t even bother to deny her friend’s words. “I know. But that doesn’t help me decide to go. If anything it helps me decide not to go. I don’t want him hurt again. I just want him to get the help and get out. He has so much to accomplish.”

Mel cold do nothing more than sake her head. No one knew the nights this girl sat up all night crying. The nights she’d stayed up with her, trying to keep her mind solid. They had known Chris since their teens and no one could tell Mel that he and Robyn didn’t belong together. She knew better. They just couldn’t get past their own bullheaded stubbornness. “Just give it more thought Robyn.”


“I tried baby.” Joyce spoke into the phone. “But Robyn was not open to the suggestion. Monica had no more luck than I did.”

Chris couldn’t help the wave of disappointment that took over his feelings. He knew it was a stretch. He’d been hoping she would call but all she’d done was send messages through Greg. She’d been off tour for a few weeks now and hadn’t come to visit him once. Maybe she meant it this time. Maybe she was finally tired. He couldn’t blame her. “Don’t worry about it momma. I knew she might not come.”

“She still cares baby, it’s just hard for her. She doesn’t want to see you in that place any more than I do.” Monica could hear the hurt and disappointment, but she’d seen the same emotions on Robyn’s face and knew this was far from over.

“Yeah…I know. She cares so much she’s avoiding me.

“Chris, that girl loves you and probably always will, but she was and is still hurt…just like you. You didn’t see her reaction, I did. She may not come there to visit. But once you are out, maybe the two of you can try as friends.” She refused to acknowledge that Karrueche person. That girl would reap her whirlwind soon enough. But she had a feeling little Miss Goldigger’s constant bid for attention was one of the reasons Robyn was so adamant about not visiting Chris. Joyce shook off the negative thoughts and moved her attention back to her child. “That might be a better solution.”

Chris paused, dropping his chin to his chest, eyes closed. Why did he feel like everything he wanted, needed was riding on Robyn? Why? “No worries momma.” His disappointment was there in his voice.

“I’m so sorry sweetie. Robyn just needs more time.” Joyce’s words were soft and full of love. “I love you baby.”

“I love you too momma.” Chris whispered back. She wasn’t coming. He had to deal with that. He had to get back to concentrating on his life. He had to work on getting his mind and heart together. She needed time, he couldn’t argue with that.

He just wished that she would come and see the progress he’d made.


Chris listened as Dr. Pratt finished her telephone conversation. He could tell by her voice she was a little nervous. He wondered what was going on. He didn’t have long to wait.

“That was Greg, he’s on his way up in the elevator right now.” Dr. Pratt watched the emotions play across Chris’ face. She knew he enjoyed the visits with his mother. He was in for a surprise today however. This was going to be more than just a visit. It was going to be family therapy. She decided to give him a heads up. “Chris I invited someone to join our session today.” She stopped to answer the knock. “Come in.”

Chris turned towards the door, wondering who the doctor had invited. He saw Greg first and rushed to give the older man a hug. This man had looked out for him. He had even reprimanded him when he needed it. He knew that Greg would always be there. Part of the reason he’d tried so hard to do well here was because of Greg. He wanted to make him proud. Funny Greg came before his father. Actually his father wasn’t in the top three.  The three people he wanted to make proud were his mother, Greg and Robyn. 

Moving away, Greg revealed his companion. Chris was prepared to see his mother, sister or one of his cousins. Kae hadn’t been up since Thanksgiving, so he knew she wasn’t it. Besides the doctor had never discussed her. He ran the names through his mind, but none matched the woman who stood in front of him. “Robz?”

Reaching out she hugged him, her body a bit stiff.  “Hey baby.”


He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was here. She was actually here. He could tell that she was uncomfortable; eyes down, she sat stiffly in the corner of the couch. He was close enough to reach for her hand and so he did.

Robyn felt Chris take hold of her hand. She didn’t refuse his gesture but she only looked up when the doctor called her name. “Robyn?”


Dr. Pratt watched the young couple. They may not be together in the physical sense but they were definitely a couple. They seemed lost to her. Robyn had said no, but here she was. Chris had been unforgiving in the beginning but in the end he’d asked for Robyn. That told her that they each wanted to re-open the lines of communication. “How do you feel about being here?”

Glancing over at Chris from beneath her lashes, Robyn answered quietly, “Uncomfortable…happy…angry…sad.” She rattled out trying to tug her hand away to no success, stopping when Chris tightened his hold and shook his head slightly, and whispering, “No”.

Dr. Pratt watched their little tug of war. “Let’s start with uncomfortable. Do you know why?”

“I…I just am.” She caught herself. Why was she here? She asked herself for the hundredth time since finally agreeing to come. She knew the answer. Because it was time to stop running away from their problems together, her own issues as well as his. She had no love for the pressure that had been aimed at her prior to this visit. “I’m uncomfortable because I was put on the spot and pressured by those I know…those close. I know the choice was mine and that’s my responsibility but part of me still feels as if I …I had no choice.”

The doctor watched the young woman. Her words sounded agitated, her body language however was more nervous and unsure. “Why did you feel pressured?”

“It’s not…it.” She stopped and tried again. “I just felt it coming from all sides. Momma J wanted me to come. She was looking out for Chris…I know. Then there was my mom, who said that we needed to work out our issues and she’s right. Mel my best friend even got in on it. I just felt as though I had no choice. My heart knows they were right but my mind…”

“Your mind put up reservations.” Dr. Pratt finished for her.

“Yeah, but they are all right. He means a great deal to me. If I can help him I will and it’s time to stop running and face my problems, with myself, with him.” She actually felt slightly better.

“Very good. Now let’s tackle happy, angry and sad. Any order is fine.” This session was starting out much smoother than she thought.

“The sadness comes at the thought of him here…caged…medicated. Sadness because he seems so locked into his frustrations. I’m angry because I feel as if he chose this over us. Angry because if he doesn’t get it together this time what will happen next?” Turning suddenly towards Christopher, she asked, “What next Christopher? Jail? Hospital?” Staring into his eyes she whispered tearfully, “I can’t go there with you. That’s not where you belong! I want you well. Not acting out, hanging around those people. Why wouldn’t you listen?” The flood gates were open and the flood came. Snatching her hand away, “I’m angry because your mother is hurt…that sweet woman has shed so many tears over you and for what? So you can continue to act out? Your cousins can’t reach you, Mijo has been trying to get to you.  Do you even talk to your old friends anymore? What about Aunt Christine? When was the last time you really had a good talk with her? She loves you so much and has always been one of your biggest cheerleaders. Everyone loves you so much. We only wanted what was best for you. I feel like a failure because I gave up and ran when things got to messy. That was wrong but in the end I feel like you made a fool out of me.”

“Why?” Dr. Pratt pushed the venting on. She sensed that this was a conversation they needed to have. She watched Christopher as Robyn spoke. The doctor noticed the intense play of emotions covering his face. In all of their sessions, he had never exhibited so much without uttering a word. But she knew the words were coming.

“Because I thought that when he came for me, it was for good. That when we decided to give it another try that it would be us against opinion. We knew it would be hard, we talked about it. I thought we were headed towards a sound commitment. That it would be just he and I. No instead it was him, me, Red, Hood and when my back was turned HER.”

“And Mel.” Chris jumped in and the doctor knew there was no holding anything back. She just sat back and let them open up.

“Left when we asked and bowed out when she felt we needed time.” Robyn answered. “Unlike your ‘friends’ thing one and thing two, who never left even when we asked. And please don’t get me started on that sneaky spare tire, hanging around like dingy wallpaper.

Dr. Pratt frowned, “Spare tire?”

Chris answered, “Kae.”

“Yes Kae. The one who always managed to show up and hang around you when I was gone. ‘We’re over you said. It wasn’t like that you said.” Flicking her hand at him she sneered. “Yeah right.”

“I keep telling you that it wasn’t like that. Your problem is you always believe what other people say!” he barked.

“Oh really!!! This coming from the fool who wants to believe whatever his basic ass rock dwelling friends whisper in his ear about me. Point of fact. She shouldn’t be around…even now she’s here visiting and showing up at court. Her motives and actions have not changed but you hold on to her and expect me to just nod and be okay with it!” Robyn felt her body shaking. She was starting to get a headache. “Would you be so accepting if I were hanging out with Matt? Riding around in his car? Showing up at his games? Having Matt post pictures on the internet?”

At Chris’ silence the doctor nudged “Chris can you give her an honest answer?”

“No…I wouldn’t.” Chris barked.

“Hypocrite!” She parried.

Chris gave way to his anger and hurt. “Kae was there when you weren’t. She was there when everybody turned their back on my ass! Me!” Chris jabbed his finger into his chest. “Even now she’s here and you aren’t. You couldn’t be bothered to stay and work things out. Not answering my calls

“BULLSHIT!!! I answered as many calls as you did! And don’t give me that ‘no one was there.’ We were there! Your mother was there, your cousins, your aunt, your true friends, my friends and ME but you weren’t. You fell into a pit and stayed there. Your mindset even changed. Your music changed. Mine did too because that is what we were feeling at the time. I went dark too. But I didn’t stay! I gave my friends and family the silent trip too but again, I didn’t stay that way.”

“FUCK THAT AND YOU!!!! You turned your back on me and kept it movin’! I never turned my back on you! Never! You went off and didn’t even look back!”

“Oh…you mean like you did when you turned your back on me that night and left me in that car! Left me there alone to face the police, the paramedics. Left me like I wasn’t shit to you. YOU LEFT ME…just like him!!! My father wasn’t shit then and neither were you that night!!!”

Everything stopped. The room quiet.

Chris knew in that instant what the wall was. Dropping to his knees, he cradled her face. “Babe, I am sooo sorry. I…I was scared. My mind went blank and when it came back, you were…I ran.”

“I was scared too. What happened that night was not just your fault. I was just as much to blame. But we knew each other’s back story. I knew about your stepdad, you knew about my dad. I thought that we would always have each other’s back…be there for each other no matter what. You abandoned me…you broke my heart.” The tears flowed as her voice broke.

“Babe…it never dawned on me. I didn’t think about it. I was so caught up in my own hurt.” Chris whispered.

“Yes you did Chrissy. You thought about it and then you put it away. It’s been there, festering becoming malignant. I know because it is the same with me. We’re broken.

“You’re right. Every time I think about it, I feel ashamed. I get angry…I lash out. I play it over and over in my head. I’m so sorry for leaving you there. I just…I ran. I went to my mom for comfort but who was comforting you? It should have been me. I kept pushing the memory away…tried to move on but… ” Her tears broke his heart. Kissing her wet eyelashes he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“We’ve both tried to move on but we can’t. I realize in this moment that I love you dearly but that there is a small part that doesn’t. I know now that I have to let it go…even if that means letting you go. Because I can’t heal. I still resent you for leaving me…so much so that I don’t trust you.” She confessed.

Chris refused to hear that choice. Now that he realized what she was fighting, what he was hiding. “No babe. That’s not the answer. We have to work through this. We both felt abandoned. I think that’s where we need to start. You’re here…I’m not letting you go…I can’t.

“Christopher…” Here was her chance. Was she going to take it or run? If she ran…nothing would be settled. They needed to heal. Since she was seventeen years old, she’d envisioned their life together as one. Was that just a young girl’s fairytale? She owed it to both of them to find out. If not, then at least they would be able to truly move on. “I love you.” Taking his hand she pulled him back up to sit on the couch, this time to sit closer to her.

Everyone knew exactly what role they played. The doctor’s role began now. “So let’s get started.”


The Home Alone Marathon…

Plopping down on the large bed in her suite, Robyn reached for the remote, flipping channels until she found the movie she wanted to see. Grabbing her bowl of popcorn, she settled down. Frowning slightly at her ringing cell phone before picking it up. “Hello?”

“Hey.” Chris’ smooth voice came across the line. “Whachu doin’?”

“Getting ready to watch ‘Home alone’ on AMC. Whachu doin?” She countered, smiling.

He laughed. “Getting ready to watch Home Alone with a special girl.”

Giggling she joked, “Is this our first date?” They had agreed to take things very slow. So slow that she had not visited him or called him outside of their weekly sessions. This was their first time ‘alone’ even if it was just by phone.

“Well it is a movie.” He returned. Switching the channel until the screen lit up with McCaulay Culkin shoving his older brother in the kitchen. “This is a good one.”

“I love this movie. Part two comes on tomorrow. Keep the change…” She offered, quoting a favored part of the movie.

“You filthy animal.” He finished the quote with her.”

“Home Alone Two…good a second date.” He proposed. They both laughed and settled down to watch the movie. It felt like old times.

The first commercial break, they scrambled.

“Have to get some popcorn. You makin’ me hungry crunching in my ear,”

“Is the kitchen still open? Or are you sneaking?” She asked softly.

“Naaa…but the station nurse lets us use their microwave.” He answered.

“Cool. Well while you do that, I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Five minutes? He offered.

“Five minutes.” She agreed.


“Hey.” He whispered into the phone.

“Hmm?” She murmured

“You fell asleep baby girl.” Chris used his pet name for her.  He smiled at her soft yawn. She’d fallen asleep half an hour ago, but it didn’t matter to him. Just the sound of her breathing was enough to keep him happy. He missed her.

“I’m sorry.” Robyn hadn’t fallen asleep so quickly in years. Listening to him laugh and joke had lulled her into a sweet dream. She missed him.

“Don’t be sorry your snores are cute. “


Chris laughed, “If you say so.”
“I don’t.” she sniffed.

He chuckled, “So are we on for tomorrow night?” he asked at her pause, he felt his heart stutter. But he didn’t have to worry. At this moment at least, they were on the same page.

“Sure.” She agreed happily. She’d enjoyed their phone date. Getting to know each other again was a wonderful experience.

“I’ll pick you up at seven-fifty.” He asked.

“Seven-fifty it is.” She agreed.

“Okay.” He didn’t want to hang up but she needed to sleep and so did he. “Alright babe, it’s time for bed.  Night…night.”

“Good night.” She didn’t want to go, but she was sleepy and not quite sure that his phone or this phone call were sanctioned by the doctor. She didn’t want him to get into trouble.


The Dangers of Tickling

Chris nuzzled Robyn’s cheek. She’d finally agreed to see him outside of their counseling. Dr. Pratt had cautiously agreed to let them see one another as long as they kept things simple and stayed on the grounds. So here they were in the Commons Room, lying on the couch watching Wonder Woman. As usual…Robyn had fallen asleep. The girl couldn’t sit still and stay awake at the same time for more than 2 hours. No matter the movie or show, she always fell asleep. He nuzzled her again. “Babygirl…”

“Hmm?” Robyn snuggled back into his body. She was comfortable and had no intentions of waking up.

Smiling, he leaned down to whisper into her ear. “Wonder Woman went off.”

Her eyes popped open. “I missed the end!”

“Miss the end?” Chris laughed, “That episode is older than both of us. You’ve seen it what? Fifteen times at least. You know the ending to that simple ass episode.”

Sitting up, she twisted so that she could stare into his eyes. Poking him in the chest, she growled playfully, “Hey! Don’t make fun of Wonder Woman!” Jumping up from the couch, she grabbed a throw pillow and wacked him across the face, screaming “GIRL POWER!!!” and humming the tune to Wonder woman as she ran around the room, dodging his retaliation.

Chasing her, he whispered loudly “Girl you are going to get me thrown out of here! Shhh!” He tackled her by the couch, throwing her down to the cushions. Snatching her pillow, he tossed both pillows to the floor and began tickling her instead. Why did he do that? Her laughs grew louder. “Shhh!”

“Shhh? You keep…stop…boy!” she couldn’t complete her sentence.” She gave up trying to stop his fingers from tickling. Grabbing his shoulders, she tried to push him off, laughing.

Chris stopped suddenly, staring down at her. She looked the same as she did at seventeen when they’d tussled on a similar couch. Lowering his head, he captured her lips in an almost desperate kiss.

She didn’t fight, she didn’t avoid. She accepted his kiss, her lips falling open to welcome his invasion. It had been too long reacted to the intense feelings engulfing them. Too many nights alone… too many day wishing…wanting, trying to deal with a desire that grew stronger with absence. She wanted him so bad she could smell him. If nothing else she had to taste him, just once. Leaning up she met his mouth with her own, tasting and exploring.

Taking his cue from her. Chris intensified their kiss. Grasping a handful of her dark locks, he pulled her head back roughly. Using his tongue he traced her full luscious lips. ‘God, he’d dreamed of her lips; the feel of them, the taste of them. He nipped gently at the puffy lower lip, until she whimpered, her permission to move further…deeper. Sucking gently on the well teased lip, Chris allowed his hands to cup her face, holding her still for his oral invasion. He aggressively went after the prize, his tongue dueling and subduing hers. Nothing tasted so sweet.

Robyn deepened the kiss further, allowing her own tongue to entice. Her hands began exploring his body, delicately running up his arms to his strong neck. She’d always loved his arms. Thick and hard…made to carry a woman. She continued her exploration, moving over his t-shirt covered shoulder blades and roaming downward toward that magnificent ass. Their kiss so demanding, that she was sure her lips were bleeding. The more he took, the more she gave.

The more she gave, the more he wanted. He sent one hand searching gently beneath her sweatshirt. Black Pyramid…even now she supported him. Releasing the front hook of her br. His hand wandered over the sweet succulent valley of her breasts, he tested the weight of one perfect globe in his hand, squeezing the softness and teasing the already rigid nipple into a stiff pebble. Chris’ other hand glided slowly down her back, pushing into the top opening of her jeans to caress the soft skin of her behind. His fingers sought and found the crease that split her buttocks. Following the crease until he cupped a sweet butt cheek. He needed more! Never breaking the kiss, one-handed, he pushed her jeans further down her impossibly long legs slowly, he caressed every inch uncovered. His hand still searching. She felt like paradise…she felt like home.

Robyn’s own hands were doing a bit of exploration themselves. ‘The boy had the world’s greatest ass. There was no other like it. Her hands pushed and fought their way into the waste of his sweatpants, needing…wanting to touch flesh. When they finally found the warm flesh she sighed. When his hands caressed and molded the supple flesh of hers she moaned. “baaaabyyyy…”

Hot, hard and heavy. She needed more, he wanted more. Pulling his hand free from her jeans, he reached between them grabbing hold of her jeans he yanked them down pulling her thong with them. Grabbing his own pants he pulled his cock free of the material before taking her mouth in yet another bruising kiss. Rubbing his cock against her as his tongue moved in and out of her mouth mimicking the rhythm of loves age old dance of lust, fulfillment and love.

The feel of him snapped her out of her haze. Pulling her mouth away from his, Robyn had to catch her breath. She had to stop him, she had to stop herself. What were they doing? “Chris…Christopher!” Still fighting to catch her breath, she dodged his seeking lips. When he couldn’t capture her mouth again he settled on her throat, sucking and soothing the pulse that beat at the base of her throat. She was dying and in mere minutes they would be past the point of no return and that was definitely not a journey they needed to take right now. “Chrissy, please…we have to stop…please.”

Her voice came to him through a haze of lust. However it wasn’t her voice or the words that stopped him. It was the panic in her eyes. He had to stop for both of their sake. He couldn’t destroy the trust that they’d begun to rebuild over the last weeks. With one last caressing kiss, he pushed away from her, pulling up his pants. Reaching over, he helped her right her own cloths. “What do we do now?”

Shaking her head, almost speechless as the tears began. Her voice tearful. “I don’t know. But I don’t think we are ready for this.” Running her hands down his arms. “I think that was our problem last time.”
“What? Constant fucking, drinking, smoking and partying?” He answered, caressing her hair.

“Yeah and not enough talking.” She smiled.

“So let’s talk.” Chris smiled back.

“About what?” She pushed herself into the corner of the couch.

“Hmmm…let’s see.” Chris followed suit, pushing himself into the opposite corner, reaching for a cigarette but stopped at her words.

“Don’t smoke tonight.” Robyn pleaded. “Talk to me.”

“Okay.” Chris left the cigarette pack alone. “So why do you like Wonder Woman again?”

“Don’t start boy!”