Do you think you weren’t ready to be in a relationship yet?
For sure. I don’t think I was ready at all to have a serious relationship at the time. I needed time on my own to digest everything that’s happened. I went from Lamar to just distracting myself. Not to discredit French at all. I was very honest with French about that—I feel bad. I don’t think it’s fair for me to lead somebody on, or for me to act like I’m in this perfect headspace if I’m not. With love you don’t mislead or play around, so if you’re not perfectly clear, just be honest about it.
What’s your relationship with Lamar like?
I talked to Lamar this morning. I talk to Lamar as often as I can, which is inconsistent, but not on my terms. When you genuinely feel like that was the right relationship, you’re supposed to give it all you can. That’s what marriage is about. It’s not, “Let’s see if it works, if not we always have divorce.” I am not one of those girls. You took a vow before God and you’re supposed to abide by that. I’m not rushing into my divorce because I’m not looking to get married tomorrow, so I don’t have a deadline. I’m not rushing it. So when it’s time and it’s supposed to happen, it will.
Lamar is genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met, and everyone says that when they meet him. I think Lamar’s gonna always be that person [for me] but that’s what made it so special. Even if I had it for five years or whatever, it was the best ever and I’m grateful I did. Some people don’t get that ever and I had that magic for a long time.
Do you miss it now?
Oh my god, I miss him every day. I miss what we had—things we got to do together are just memories. I like looking back and holding on to that stuff. I definitely miss it, and there’s times I’ll get so sentimental and so sad, but this had to happen for some reason. I’ll figure it out over time, someone will give me that answer eventually. I think it would be very fucking weird if I didn’t miss it.
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